I was just wondering, how long can a person go pretending everything is all right? How long can he/she be in-denial? How long can a person lie to his/herself?

To be honest, I don't think I can. Not even for one day. But I never realised that I have been pretending all my life.

I have pretended that I know myself, pretended that I was bad, then pretended that I was good. I put ideas in my head of how things are suppose to be or how it should have been.

I have always pretended that things are not bad, that it is always good. Or that it would get better instantly. I planted and nurtured the seed of goodness in me, or so I thought I did. I refused to see the ugly side of anything. It's all about colours and sparkles, or grass and nice scented flowers.

I have lived in the world that I painted in my eyes.

But now slowly everything is fading out. I can smell disappointments, I can feel fear, I can taste pain. None of which I like to go through or wish to experience. But at the same time, I am slowly loving it. Discovering the beauty of reality.

Go on, tear my pretty dresses, and put scars on me. For I only have one chance in this world, let's make it worth it.

I am very good at keeping things to myself even though I prefer talking about it. But every time I do, it's taking toll on my body, and if I don't, somebody else is getting hurt.

It's a choice of giving up or moving on.

It's like...

plaster on my heart,
heater in winter,
presents under Christmas tree,
a rhythm to a dance,
and a smile on a perfect picture.

Mary had a little lamb, but God gave me a Rockstar as a best friend...

..a pair of hands with minds of their own, warm eyes to see the beauty of people's souls as well as in silence, light feet to take me to adventures and cool hair for me to flip when I feel annoyed.

Do you know what it is?

It feels like I am so far away and alone. It feels like the space between the star and I. Timeless, dark, silence, cold. I would say it probably feels like being sucked in a black hole, but honestly and logically, I don't know what it feels like.

Do you understand what I'm talking about?

I hate the fact that things are getting dull. I feel so contented like I can't even let it out properly, afraid that I might expose too much or get carried away.

I personally think that things should be simple, and straightforward. But of course, a little twist is necessary to make it attractive.

Hello November, I love it when you rain.

Cold November rain. Just like me.

I am blessed, I am loved, I am happy, I am sad, I am peace, I am restless, I am today.