I was just wondering, how long can a person go pretending everything is all right? How long can he/she be in-denial? How long can a person lie to his/herself?

To be honest, I don't think I can. Not even for one day. But I never realised that I have been pretending all my life.

I have pretended that I know myself, pretended that I was bad, then pretended that I was good. I put ideas in my head of how things are suppose to be or how it should have been.

I have always pretended that things are not bad, that it is always good. Or that it would get better instantly. I planted and nurtured the seed of goodness in me, or so I thought I did. I refused to see the ugly side of anything. It's all about colours and sparkles, or grass and nice scented flowers.

I have lived in the world that I painted in my eyes.

But now slowly everything is fading out. I can smell disappointments, I can feel fear, I can taste pain. None of which I like to go through or wish to experience. But at the same time, I am slowly loving it. Discovering the beauty of reality.

Go on, tear my pretty dresses, and put scars on me. For I only have one chance in this world, let's make it worth it.