It's cold outside, but it's colder inside me. My feet are freezing but they're dragging me away, I want an escape, I want an exit.

My heart is kind of numb, I want it in your hands but I don't like my chest empty. It drives me crazy and it makes me angry. I just want the end that meets a new beginning to find me.

I seriously can't understand how can or why do anyone (other than my family who "had" to) loves me at all?

I don't get it at all. I'm fussy, sensitive, mean, too honest with my words even when sometimes it's hurtful, and I'm very stubborn. So I was told.

I don't feel I deserve the love I'm getting. I don't feel I'm worth it at all. And most importantly, I kept on hurting those around me. It is just not fair. I don't understand at all. It's like the more I hurt them, the more they come back to me.

Why are you doing this??? I don't want to hurt you.

I wonder how do you sleep at night? Infact, how do you sleep at all? With this silence cold war around us, how can you be so ignorant?

My tears have run dry and now I'm beaten with pains under my skins. But you are just bad down to your core.

Aren't you afraid that we would die when we shut our eyes, but we didn't get the chance to say sorry nor goodbyes?

I was your friend, but I am not your slave. So what are you waiting for?

My movements are like those expressed ideas and emotions in the art of sound we called music. My beat are gentle but solid. And my tempo are my soothing cries and the rhythm you dance to are my laughter and pains.

I'm the infamous ballad that lock your gaze and weeping on your soul, the one that pierce your heart and put smile on your beautiful face.

Different is good. Changes is too. And I like good different changes.

I'll pull out one of my rib bones and make it as a dagger to cut and rip you open. I want to penetrate you with my own part. To make you feel the pain and at the same time to feel me too. I thirst for your blood to keep my bones warm. Literally love, literally.

I was just wondering, how long can a person go pretending everything is all right? How long can he/she be in-denial? How long can a person lie to his/herself?

To be honest, I don't think I can. Not even for one day. But I never realised that I have been pretending all my life.

I have pretended that I know myself, pretended that I was bad, then pretended that I was good. I put ideas in my head of how things are suppose to be or how it should have been.

I have always pretended that things are not bad, that it is always good. Or that it would get better instantly. I planted and nurtured the seed of goodness in me, or so I thought I did. I refused to see the ugly side of anything. It's all about colours and sparkles, or grass and nice scented flowers.

I have lived in the world that I painted in my eyes.

But now slowly everything is fading out. I can smell disappointments, I can feel fear, I can taste pain. None of which I like to go through or wish to experience. But at the same time, I am slowly loving it. Discovering the beauty of reality.

Go on, tear my pretty dresses, and put scars on me. For I only have one chance in this world, let's make it worth it.

I am very good at keeping things to myself even though I prefer talking about it. But every time I do, it's taking toll on my body, and if I don't, somebody else is getting hurt.

It's a choice of giving up or moving on.

It's like...

plaster on my heart,
heater in winter,
presents under Christmas tree,
a rhythm to a dance,
and a smile on a perfect picture.

Mary had a little lamb, but God gave me a Rockstar as a best friend...

..a pair of hands with minds of their own, warm eyes to see the beauty of people's souls as well as in silence, light feet to take me to adventures and cool hair for me to flip when I feel annoyed.

Do you know what it is?

It feels like I am so far away and alone. It feels like the space between the star and I. Timeless, dark, silence, cold. I would say it probably feels like being sucked in a black hole, but honestly and logically, I don't know what it feels like.

Do you understand what I'm talking about?

I hate the fact that things are getting dull. I feel so contented like I can't even let it out properly, afraid that I might expose too much or get carried away.

I personally think that things should be simple, and straightforward. But of course, a little twist is necessary to make it attractive.

Hello November, I love it when you rain.

Cold November rain. Just like me.

I am blessed, I am loved, I am happy, I am sad, I am peace, I am restless, I am today.