May 2009 be the final closure for all the dramas and unsettled emotions. Let it be the final goodbye to all tears before I embrace what seemed to be for the rest of my life. A milestone which will mark those pains and joyful feelings to stay behind.

Forgive, forget and start over.

...to be loved, not to be understood...

If so, then why do I feel so suffocated with all the curiosity and pressure chasing me? Why do my surroundings kept pulling me apart when I have no skins, no flesh left to be stripped off me?

I find it strongly irritating when people want to be close to me, trying to suck out the reasons why I am me. I seriously don't like it at all. You don't just expect people to open up upon your request. It involves trust and security. I have enough people in my life whom I can share every nerve and heartbeat with, so I don't need anyone else to breath down my neck and forcing me to spill my guts out.

I love my privacy, I love my secrecy, I love my mystery. And as far as I concern, if you still can't read through me, then you have no rights to judge me nor act like u know me. In other words, we are strangers. Just back off and clear out. I like my oxygen stress-free, thank you.

I am like an empty box. People expect to find faith in me. Or like that one stalk of withered sunflower, carried from the field across those blooming others, right into an expensive exquisite vase. But there just seem no hope. I don't have anything to offer.

It's funny how people are trying to find me. I am just here.
What's even more funnier is, while those people trying to find me, I am trying to chase other people, and they don't even bother to see me.

Does someone has to be so important to one's life when that one person is not even close to half important to that someone? Heck, that one person is probably nothing at all to that someone. Shame.

Yes I know that it has been a while, but trust me, there's nothing creative tonight. It is just me and my thoughts feelings. And it is kind of blurry and grey.

It's cold outside, but it's colder inside me. My feet are freezing but they're dragging me away, I want an escape, I want an exit.

My heart is kind of numb, I want it in your hands but I don't like my chest empty. It drives me crazy and it makes me angry. I just want the end that meets a new beginning to find me.

I seriously can't understand how can or why do anyone (other than my family who "had" to) loves me at all?

I don't get it at all. I'm fussy, sensitive, mean, too honest with my words even when sometimes it's hurtful, and I'm very stubborn. So I was told.

I don't feel I deserve the love I'm getting. I don't feel I'm worth it at all. And most importantly, I kept on hurting those around me. It is just not fair. I don't understand at all. It's like the more I hurt them, the more they come back to me.

Why are you doing this??? I don't want to hurt you.